how I managed to kick my fear of heights right off a cliff By Nikki Burtwell

​Since I was a child I remember having a fear of heights. It was who I was; I thought to myself, guess I’m stuck with it! Well true, I was stuck with it until I had no choice but to push that plunging fear of heights directly off a cliff and say I’m done with this BS.

The fear of heights gradually became worse as the years went on into adulthood and especially after I developed anxiety from a traumatic divorce. What topped it off and brought it to now a fear of driving over bridges, was a trip to beautiful Hawaii with my Mom. You’re probably wondering why relaxing in Hawaii would cause me to become worse....Have you ever heard of The Road to Hana?? It’s a long road that stretches miles along a cliff with breathtaking views of the plunging ocean below. It’s also one of the most dangerous roads in the world. So I decided to rent a Jeep with my Mom and drive the coast with the music playing and wind in our hair. Well that was until my anxiety and fear of heights got the better of me and I passed out driving and nearly drove us off a cliff. My Mom was quick with her reflexes and she managed to pull the emergency brake.

So this brings us to present day. How the hell can I be a hiker in BC with all these mountains?

​It paralyzed me. I couldn’t be where my heart and spirit needed to heal, which was on top of a mountain with those beautiful views and freedom. When I met my boyfriend who is the most patient man I know, he never stopped encouraging me and believing in me. It was the determination in him that made me fight like hell to conquer this fear. If he could believe in me than why couldn’t I believe in myself. So I started climbing those mountains again slowly but never getting too close to the edge. Until one day something snapped inside me while hiking, The Chief in Squamish. I was determined to climb all 3 peaks and I wasn’t taking the easy way either. My boyfriend could see me shaking my head saying, “no f**king way” and he didn’t think at that point I was going to climb that ladder and chains but I couldn’t let him or myself down. I marched right up and I started climbing, I didn’t stop, I didn’t look down or to the side, I cried silently while I did it and I made it to the top. It was at that moment that I broke down crying with so many emotions. I was so proud of myself, so thankful he didn’t give up on me, so thankful I didn’t give up on myself. It was at that moment that I knew that this is only in my head and I’m a prisoner if I allow these fears or any fear define how I am going to live my life. It’s quite ironic that I HAD a fear of heights but my favourite place in the world is on top of a mountain. We all have fears that are keeping us from being who we really are or who we are meant to be. It’s time to face them head on. Be brave. Be courageous. Don’t give up on yourself because you’re amazing and you can do it!!

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