I started my day off with the intention of going the whole way up, which I did. When I heard it was rocky at the top. In my mind I saw big rocks that my feet would grip nicely and I could pull myself up. Instead what was there was my worst fear. A dirt path with loose rocks on a steep slope with nothing to rely on except confidence and careful footing. Both of which I do not have. Going up was and is not an issue but it's the going down I fear. So I over-think it and that is my turn around point.
I walked up this path 10 times only to not be able to walk the 6 extra steps to the false summit...which would have been success for me. It was horrible and no one could understand my inner torture. The disappointment and the instant depression I had. Thank goodness for one good friend who tried her best to get me up there. That same person made me laugh after. Sadly she had not seen me try all those times before she tried one last moment to encourage me. The rest of my friends were at the true summit enjoying the views with no fear.
The exhaustion of a panic attack on the trail and the disappointment of not meeting my goal was overwhelming. Without a rope, railing or stairs in place and my second attempt at the 1st lookout/false summit or summit, feel I must break up with Elk Mountain. It's time to turn the page and let go of my inner abuse. I just can't see going up there again and having any success.